Lifemarked.

We've made it to another Friday! And while it's my turn for the weekend rotation at work, I'm still celebrating the week's end.  It was a good week; a productive week. A week where I tried to be present, thankful, and to see the opportunities all around me. To focus on the good moments, as opposed to all the little annoyances that so easily influence a person's mood and thinking.

I work hard to remind myself of all the things I'm grateful for. It takes more effort than it should to concentrate on these things, but I suppose what's important is my knowledge of their presence and place in my life. I don't spend my days with a little black rain cloud over my head, but I've come to acknowledge that I am not a particularly cheerful person. (Not to be confused with being an unhappy person, which is something else entirely.) I'm optimistic, always, and most people would describe me as friendly, witty and pleasant, but I seldom naturally wake up with a smile on my face and am prone to flustering in my personal life (though I am actively working on becoming a morning person).

When I watch clips of Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show, I always admire how easily and honestly he laughs. He sees humor in everything. I wish I was that genuinely amused and delighted by the world around me. (I have a friend, Angy, who is the most cheerful person I've ever met. I aspire every day to see the world as she does.) My disposition is not likely something I can change dramatically, as it's an innate part of what makes me Me, but I can work to sway grumpy thoughts when they enter my consciousness. One way in which to do that is to acknowledge moments of gratitude. Verbally, in writing...it doesn't matter. As long as I put it out there.

As such, I'm combining a post full of things I have seen, heard, and bookmarked recently with a life lately post. Which I will call... Bookmarked Life. Or Lifemarked. Or Blately. (I clearly missed my calling as a professional product namer.)

Side note: Did I mention this is my third blog post this week? I know.

Grateful ... For a husband who hangs Christmas lights while I am at work, so I returned to a house brimming with holiday cheer.

Grateful ... For these simple and inexpensive wooden hoops, which have helped facilitate my new love of embroidery and piqued Kiddo's interest in cross stitch. After recently finishing a little robot kit we picked up in Seattle a year ago, he's moving on bigger, bolder things like a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy pattern. It's fun to see him explore different creative outlets. (Etsy is chock full of talented cross stitch + embroidery pattern artists.)

Also on my must-learn list: knitting giant blankets

Grateful ... For fresh ground coffee and a simple French press, which have rekindled my love of good old fashioned coffee. When it comes to my morning brew, a minimalist approach always turns out the best. Honorable mention: leftover whipped cream impulsively plopped on the top. (We've had our trusty French press for over a decade, but the same exact model is still available.)

Grateful ... For this boy, who draws by lamplight and (occasionally) lets me drag him out of the house for some mother-son quality time. Motherhood is fleeting, and I try my hardest to make the most of those small opportunities for togetherness. (Even if he is smack dab in the middle of the moody teenage stage.)

Grateful ... For this plastic lion from Target's Dollar Spot. It gave me an excuse to use copious amounts of glitter and put my restless hands to work. (I see a silver brontosaurus in my future...)

Also:

// Love this DIY house-shaped shelf which would be perfect for getting knick-knacks up and off of surfaces.

Grateful ... For this soup recipe, which I'm currently making on a weekly basis. It's simple, garlicky, and oh so warming + satisfying. (Prawn and Corn Soup from Top with Cinnamon, always doubled and tweaked to our liking.)

Grateful ... For an instructor at the hospital who did the impossible: make an 8-hour class interesting, inviting, and thought-provoking. She also brought along colored pencils, coloring books, and crayons to encourage doodling. I kind of wish I'd used a blank piece of paper; my creation is fridge-worthy.

Grateful ... For this amazing Pyrex dish, complete with original brass candle warmer/stand which I nabbed for just $12. (!!!) I haven't collected much over the past year, as our current kitchen doesn't have storage space beyond our everyday dishes. This sweet find rekindled my love of collecting unique pieces of Pyrex. (Because they bring me joy, and one day we will have the perfect place to display them all out in the open.)

In other Pyrex news:

// Learned about JAJ/England Pyrex. It's real Pyrex with amazing patterns I had never seen before.

// A Pyrex museum in my own backyard? How am I just finding out about this?!

// Pyrex art

Grateful ... To have some beautifully handwritten recipe cards from my grandmother and great-grandmother.  Especially this time of year when I'm drawn to the kitchen and the consumption of comfort foods. (A cake recipe, handed down, on this walnut cake stand = dreams coming true.)

Also:

// Debunking the water consumption myth.

// Living in a real life IG feed. (Sign me up for that class.)

// Goodread's Best Books of 2015 list was just published and I'm taking notes.

// Beautiful bacteria.

// Serial 2! and other great podcasts (via Erin)

// Propagating gifts.

Lifemarked.

Friday, December 11, 2015

An attitude adjustment is in order.

After getting real with myself last week, I've come to a place of quiet calm. In talking with Husband, he make me realize something: getting to stay home while I figure out what's next is a luxury few are afforded. I don't have to toil away at an in-between job while I take care of Kiddo, rewrite my resume, search for work, build a grad school application, and study for the GREs.

I have a husband who regularly tells me to do whatever it is that makes me happy. And he means it. I can go back to CrossFit or try pilates. I can take a photography or pottery class and explore my creative side. I can start a new blog about the trials and tribulations of getting into grad school. Just the other day he told me we could move again so I can pursue a graduate degree in Marine Biology. I can do whatever it is I choose to do without the constraints placed on so many moms.

I am fortunate, and I try not to let that fact slip by unnoticed. To let it get lost in the minutia of the day-to-day. But I do anyway. The world is my oyster and I've no right complaining. Which I have been doing a lot of the past few years.

On Saturday I attended an all-day CPR class for health professionals. It's required for my grad school application, and a must-have for the healthcare jobs I am searching for. It made sense to be proactive, forgo a Saturday, and get it out of the way.

As I sat there, chatting with my classmates during breaks, I came to realize just how many options I have to consider where others do not. There was a young single mom who settled for a short tech program because she needed a decent paying job fast. And a 20-year veteran dental assistant who was bored in her current position and looking for more. More education and more mental stimulation. Then there was the lady who was unable to bend over far enough to administer rescue breathing and couldn't continue. She was there as a condition of employment and I've wondered ever since if it cost her a job she wanted and needed. (Not to mention the embarrassment of being asked to leave in the middle of class.)

I have a million potential directions to go and it's not too late to try any of them. It's just a matter of deciding which fork in the road to take when I reach it.

I never thought I'd be that mopey person who sees daily existence as her lot in life; something that holds me back rather than frees me to be anyone I want to be. (The latter being the truth.) I've become quite miserable over the past few years, and I'm actively working to change that.

Admitting that I have a bad attitude is hard. Humbling. Embarrassing. And while I don't walk around with a frown on my face, I am often one spilled glass of oj or stubbed toe away from being a sourpuss. Weeks can go by and I feel happy. Optimistic. Chill. But simmering under the surface is a nugget of resentment, frustration, and annoyance just waiting to rear its ugly head. I keep score more often than I'd like to admit.

And while I know that much of our outlook and personality is determined in our first few months of life, I also know that the way I've been acting is not indicative of the true me. Being mopey is contrary to who I am as a person. It doesn't feel normal to be a curmudgeon. When I'm light and happy and let the little things roll off my back... that feels like I'm wearing the right skin.

I probably can't make myself an extrovert. Or Type B. Or anxiety-free. Fundamentally, that's who I am. But the attitude that things are perpetually hard? That can be changed. It's time to act the way I want to feel. To see the opportunity that is all around me as opposed to closed doors.

I think back to a time when, logically, things were harder. I was balancing a lot, my personal finances were highly unstable, I lived in a tiny apartment, and I had zero idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. And you know what? I used to wake up to the flutter of excitement in my belly every morning. I loved my (entry-level) job. I would wake up at 6a on a Saturday and go grocery shopping because I liked the ritual of shopping in a quiet store with a latte in hand. I exercised almost every day after an 8+ hour shift and was happy with my body as a result. I worked with people I liked and had a well-balanced and fulfilling life.  

How is that possible? I often wonder. I had almost nothing compared to what I have now, and yet I was happier. Why? Because I was grateful for what I had and saw the potential in almost everything.

I'd like to find that girl again. Because she's still in there.

And because I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in all of this, I'm starting a new blog series based on this desire to be happier and more fulfilled where I am now. I'll be talking about the aspects of building a better life. I am obviously no expert on the matter, but I'm positive I share many of the same concerns as other moms, wives and employees. I'm also sure I can learn from you and you can learn from me.

I'll make mistakes and have mopey days along the way, but the end goal is to unveil a better version of myself. To see the silver lining more often than not. To hold myself accountable to this new mindset.

First order of business: think of a name. Finding Fulfillment, Living in the Now, Look on the Bright Side, and Project Silver Lining are contenders. (I'm terrible at naming things.)

[Linking up with Kimberlee, Leeann, and Christina]

An attitude adjustment is in order.

Monday, October 13, 2014

On This Fine Friday: Flowers, Food and a Forgetful Wife

 Happy Friday! This was our first full week home and the transition back to real life was pretty darn seamless. I attribute that to the various appointments I had lined up after our return. While they weren't early mornings by any means, I did have to set an alarm and quickly reestablish a schedule.  That, I think, made all the difference. No suffering through time change confusion and our days seem productive and long. Still, I can't believe it is already over and we are another week closer to school and hustle and bustle of fall. I do love fall, though. Still, let's not go there quite yet.

I have a confession to make: Wednesday was our anniversary. That's not the confession, really. This is: I forgot. Totally and completely forgot. Mario seemed to sense my lapse in memory and used it to his advantage. Needless to say, I was surprised when he came hope with an armload of presents. Normally we celebrate in a low key way, then add to that the fact that I was clueless. Oh the guilt. It was heavy. I did make it up to him with a surprise dinner date the next night. Tell me I'm not the only wife who has let this day slip her mind?

Despite having a full plate things are good here. Happy, a little nervous about everything that is coming up, but overall content. Here are some highlights from the past few days:

The anniversary dinner I mentioned before? So. Good. Mario suggested we try the restaurant at a local inn and we weren't sorry. We nibbled on small plates so we could try a bit of everything that struck our fancy. I had my first foray into avocado fries (hello!) and artichoke bites (poppers made with goat cheese and artichoke). It was so nice to slip out and enjoy a bite together. My guilt lessened ever so slightly...

That armful of anniversary gifts I spoke of? Pyrex. All Pyrex. Three were in patterns I didn't have and the small traditional flower print bowl completes a set. He even found a brand new piece still in the box... in a pattern I'd never seen before. That man is a dreamboat. Did I mention the flowers? Oh, the guilt rears its ugly head.

Despite coming home to a barren fridge, three of the last four meals have been home cooked. I was over eating out, and still nursing a sensitive stomach, so it's nice to eat real food. I love a good diner breakfast, but there is something to be said for fresh, healthy fare. Also, I spied these K-cups a couple days ago on an end cap at Target and decided to give them a try. They have quickly become a new favorite... yum!

We didn't buy much while on vacation. First, we were determined not to dip into savings which meant being somewhat money conscious. Second, lugging around more stuff than we already had would have been quite cumbersome. Therefore, everything we came home with was unique and meaningful and our savings remained untouched.

On our last day I was drawn into Sage Spa Living, a shop/salon combo in Bozeman. As soon as I saw this cool nail polish line, I had to scoop up a couple bottles. I first fell in love with the colors, then the fact that they are vegan and free of a lot of the ick in normal polishes. Although my diet is not vegan (perhaps one day), I gravitate toward animal and chemical-free products. This stuff is amazing and has me wondering if I'll ever buy "normal" polish again. The color is super saturated and so easy to apply. I just discovered that Sephora sells this brand. I can't wait to try the red color next. And yes, I realize I bought Christmas-y colors. Totally unintentional.

We had a three hour layover at the Newark airport on the way home. I had finished my book on the previous flight and was looking for my next read. I read the back of a dozen books before stumbling across this one. I was meant to find this book. I'm not a self-help book reader by nature, and picking this up was a bit out of character, but I find myself nodding along as I read. It's as if she overheard my inner dialog and witnessed my habits. It just tells me that certain behaviors are universal. This book prompted Mario and I to make a big life decision yesterday morning which has been a relief. It's time to start my own happiness project... and not because I'm unhappy. Because I could be happier.

Linking up:

On This Fine Friday: Flowers, Food and a Forgetful Wife

Friday, August 9, 2013

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.

It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's a day you've had everything to do and you've done it.

Margaret Thatcher

As I mentioned on Saturday, I presented at my first academic conference. Many of my peers have done it in past years, and I am so glad to have had the opportunity before I graduated. I had to be there all day even though my time to present wasn't until late afternoon. I felt cool, calm and collected for the duration.  Well . . . until about a half hour before I was due to present. Crowds make me nervous. What if people don't like/understand/agree with my research? What if I come across as incompetent? I went into it thinking it was going to be the longest hour of my life.

It was amazing. The information flowed. I found my groove. Before I knew it, I was done. My professors and fellow students showed real interest in my topic. I also met some non-academic folks who soaked up my research. I had a blast! Who knew?! Saturday ended up being a really profound day.

Afterward, the boys and I headed to a newish brick oven restaurant we have been meaning to try. It was the perfect way to end a great day. The food was off the hook.

I had an amazing cranberry mojito and a mushroom pizza that made me swoon.  The boys devoured their food . . . Mr. Picky declared that it might just be the best pizza he's ever had.

It wasn't just about the food, however. Something happened during that lovely dinner. A shift of sorts. You see, as I sat there basking in the glow of my academic accomplishment, a sudden and unexpected clarity overtook me. The 12^th grade English teacher who accused me of plagiarizing because my paper was “too good” to have been written by me? The uncle-in-law who likes to diminish me as a person and a student? Anyone and everyone who has ever sold me short? They were rendered completely irrelevant to my life in that moment. Because I realized that I have amazed myself. And that is no easy feat.

I have reached every goal that I set for myself thus far; some of which I didn't even know I aspired toward. Did it take me awhile? Sure. But I did it. All of it. To be able to look back with no regrets and only good vibes for the future trumps peripheral judgments. Because, in the end, the only person I have to prove my worth to is me. Any person who wastes precious time trying to make another human being feel inadequate is a deeply insecure one, indeed. Happy people simply don’t make others feel less than. 

Five years ago I was a rather lost soul. I wasn’t living life with purpose or intent. I wasn’t fulfilled on a personal level. Out of that desperation came focus, and the realization that I was the only one with the power to change my course. So I did. And it sucked at times. It was hard. But I didn’t quit. And now I have a future to show for it. Thank goodness I held on during the hard times. Next to my boys, graduating next month will be my greatest accomplishment thus far.

For the first time, perhaps ever, I am positive I will get into grad school. Because I have worked hard and have a ton of accomplishments to my credit. We will find the perfect place to live and build a life. My dreams will be realized.

The single greatest lesson I have learned over these past few years is this: I create my own happiness. I know, I know. We've all heard it a million times. I suppose I was a little slow to catch on. Because it seems that I spent a long time waiting for something to happen. For joy to magically infuse me. It didn't. Turns out, it isn't about where I live or what I have, but rather, who I surround myself with and what I have done with this life of mine. That's true for all of us.

I purged wrote this post over a quick lunch at a local Japanese restaurant this afternoon. Apparently the fortune cookie gods really wanted to make sure I got the message. That I believe my own words. Two identical fortunes, one cookie. Got it.

You probably thought this was going to be a simple restaurant review . . . and it got really deep, really fast.  Introspection seems to sneak up when I least expect it.

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Insta-Happiness

My first Insta Tuesday! I stumbled across this linkup a couple weeks ago and really liked the idea of sharing my week via Instagram photos. I actually took a lot this week. More than usual. 

Here are the highlights:

Clockwise from top left: 

• There's nothing like being herded while you mow the lawn.
• My first piece of vintage Pyrex! I'm officially a collector!
• The scene outside of Five Guys. Nothing whets my appetite quite like taxidermy outside the local burger joint.
• Throwback Campbell's soup cans. I actually had a hard time choosing what colors I wanted to buy. Because the color of the can definitely matters. I want it to look pretty in the recycling bin...?
• An antique store impulse buy. On my way out of one of the rooms, this oil painting caught my eye. There was no turning back. Now I have to figure out how to frame it. I don't think Michael's carries canvas frames.

The last week has been super stressful for me. The last three, actually. My classes are challenging me and I feel overwhelmed, which hasn't been helped by my lack of self-discipline. I feel like some cracks are starting to show around my edges.

In the words of the great Winnie the Pooh:  

I'm just a little black rain cloud.

Seeing my week in photos has changed my perspective, however. I started a new collection that excites and entertains me (I'm on a Pyrex hunt!), and I found a piece of art that speaks to me (though I'm still not quite sure what it is saying). I ate at Five Guys (um, yum!).

Life is good. It is stressful too, sure, but not all is doom and gloom. I'll get through this semester like I have the last eight. One day at a time. And the payoff will be huge.  I just need to spend more time looking for the silver lining.

Insta-Happiness

Tuesday, September 18, 2012