A Hairy Situation

Friday, July 6, 2012


A little brow powder seems to suffice...but, alas.

I have never, in my opinion, been a slave to beauty. My daily routine is pretty simple. I don't get chemical peels or Botox. I haven't bought any chin exercisers off a late night infomercial. I've been tempted, though. I do occasionally search the internet for things like "hair thickeners" and "fast ways to lose 20 pounds without cayenne pepper seasoned lemonade." The former was a recent search. As a child I had thick, luxurious hair that nearly reached my waist. After having my son, and with age, it has thinned out significantly, much to my frustration. So I stumbled upon a Good Morning America video with a dermatologist listing all the ways to thicken hair on various body parts. Not down there, though. No one wants more hair there. My legs, I mean. Where did you go with that? She was saying that Rogaine is great for thin eyebrows. My eyebrows aren't thin, really, but occasionally they seem a little on the patchy side...which I contribute to my pluck-tastic teenage years. Besides, full brows are back in and I like to be on trend. Needless to say, I bought a bottle of men's Rogaine. Well, the generic Target brand. Is that a product I should really be buying generic? Oh, well.

Much to my husband's annoyance, I seldom read instructions. But this time I did. The dermatologist had recommended following the instructions, but instead of using the dropper, just apply it to the brow with a Q-tip. Sounds easy enough, right? Then I got knee-deep in the pamphlet. Because some of the product is absorbed into the body, you may experience hair growth in other place. Whaaat?! Also, if you don't let it dry long enough before bed, some of the product may rub off onto your pillow and redistribute elsewhere on you face. Oh my. So what they are saying is, "You can have beautiful, thick eyebrows in 2-3 months. But you may also spring a brow on your upper lip." I also chose to ignore the blaring "not for use by women" on the box. The good doctor in the television said I could, so it must be true.

Most rational people would have run screaming from the room. But no one has ever accused me of being rational. Ever. I'm two weeks in and so far, well, nothing. I just realized how anticlimactic this post is. Sorry. I promise to give you updates. The good, the bad and the ugly. Promise. Even though it's early in the process, I have noticed that the existing hairs are growing a little faster...just no new ones. While I seriously considered using it to thicken the hair on my head, I ultimately decided against it. Applying it two times a day every day for the rest of my life is too big a commitment. I have a life, you know. No I don't. I apologize for lying to you just then. Still, that's a huge investment in both time and money to maybe see some results. That doesn't even include the cost of getting my lip and cheek waxed, because there is no way I won't fall asleep once in a while prior to the two hour soaking-in period.

The temptation is still there, though. But that is probably because I imagine it will transform my hair into this:

Or this:

It won't. I'm going to have the hair nature intended, and there are plenty of products out there that can help me (temporarily) achieve more thickness and volume. My hair will never look like the hair in these photos and I must accept that fact. As they say in preschool: You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. My new lip stubble, however, will likely be very plush.


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