It's been a while since I've connected with this platform. Earlier this year I installed a new template with the intent of dusting off this space so I could begin to write for pleasure again. I've missed the interpersonal connections and the mediation of typing out my thoughts. This place was my home for so long: a beacon when I was lost and lonely, a joyful place to share good news, a safe space to ponder life/love/parenthood, and a creative outlet for a stifled brain. The past few months I've been drawn back here with increasing intensity, and I'm finally heeding the call. It's time to write again, even if it's only to myself. It'll be imperfect, especially while I carve out time to make this space a priority; while I dive head first into the mystery that is HTML and blog design; while I regain the ability to put words to (digital) paper after years of holding it all in. 

First and foremost, an update. 

After almost 3 years in the Southeast attending graduate school, we are back in the Pacific Northwest. I'm in my first year as a practicing physician assistant in a surgical subspecialty. Kiddo has his first apartment less than an hour away from us and is learning how to adult + finding his niche in this world. Husband and I are young empty nesters living in a charming little house overlooking Puget Sound. We are learning and growing and embracing the idea of being settled for the first time in our relationship. We are imperfectly happy for the time being. 

There are still many unknowns + stressors, of course. I'm still a human who defaults to anxious. I still doubt myself and struggle with people pleasing. Only, a lot less so. With age and accomplishment comes a sense of peace. These days I feel at home in my own skin. I have a voice and I use it. I know my worth and chase it. I'd love to lament about how my twenties and most of my thirties were wasted on a woman so in her head she couldn't contemplate her own happiness. Looking back with regret would be a waste of time. Because here's the truth: I needed to go through it all to figure who I am and what I want. And I'm proud to say I'm mostly there.


Thursday, November 11, 2021