Saturday Morning Musings

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One of my favorite things in the whole world is that small window between the time I wake up and the rest of the house does. It is a rare and beautiful thing. I blog or read and drink coffee, enjoying the calm before the storm. I do some of my best work during this elusive time.

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Mario left for a week-long business trip at 5a this morning. I gave him a groggy goodbye kiss and fell back asleep. The first quarter is always the hardest around here. New England weather is often wretched, spring semester begins then drags on forever (fall just seems to fly by...it's a weird phenomenon shared by most of my professors and fellow students), and I don't have my favorite person around. I will see the door close behind my husband more in the next three months than the rest of the year.

Jared and I are used to this schedule, but also weary of it. Mario's career is our livelihood. Because of it, I am a semester away from a bachelors degree, we have a lovely roof over our heads, and Kiddo can do things like take ski lessons and have his very own YMCA membership complete with classes. It's a good life. But right now, it's a lonely one.

Here I sit, after a rather arduous and busy week, enjoying my coffee surrounded by the sound of nothing but the dueling second hands on the kitchen and living room clocks. I am the calmest and most centered I will be all day.

In a matter of days my final semester begins. I will walk along a stage and receive my diploma in early May. Although a few months are all that stand between me and this lifelong goal, it doesn't feel real yet. Perhaps it has to do with this weird, hectic in-between time prior to the first day of classes. You know, the other side of holiday vacation post-December. It's the red-headed stepchild of winter break where everyone is tired, broke, and tackling the depressing task of taking down the decor.

Knowing that our schedules are going to get a whole lot more complicated, and Mario won't be around to help, I cram in as many doctor's appointments as possible, try to check off as many items as I can on my overflowing to-do list, wrap up any projects, and get Jared familiar with our new schedule. It is these periods of single-parenting that make me so grateful for my husband.

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Some days it feels like too much. My last week of freedom (I use the term freedom very loosely) is going to be filled to the brim with obligations. More appointments. School meetings. After school activities. Volunteering during Kiddo's art class. There are more dot-filled days on my Google calendar than not. And it's only going to get more complicated.

So how do I strike that delicate balance between manageable and overextended? How do I prevent the stress that comes with being over-comitted? The stress that leaves me feeling like a ball of frayed nerves. The stress that causes me to snip at my husband and lose my patience with Kiddo.

I think saying no once in a while is a start. Equally important is remembering that I'm a person, too. One with needs, wants, and desires. It can't be about everyone else all the time. And to remember that I am no good to them when I neglect myself.

This life is short and finite. It is so easy to get focused on the finish line and forget to enjoy the journey. When I finish college, when Kiddo is a little older, when I lose weight, when, when, when. Although it's a work in progress, my new focus is now. I don't know where life will take me, so making the most of every day is of the utmost importance. No more waiting for x, y and z to happen.

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Instead of burying my head in homework and losing myself in obligations and Kiddo's activities, I vow not neglect the things I love. I'm going to keep practicing with my new camera, reading books for enjoyment, and trying out crafts from my Pinterest to-do list. I have said it so many times that it may as well be my mantra: I'm a better mom, wife and student when I take care of me, too.

Balance. Breathe. Be.