-Sara Evans
Monday was a rough day. I started it off with a tough exam. Upon handing it in, my professor returned my last lab practical. The grade? Five out of twenty. Oof.
That ego blow was followed by two hours of studying for a later quiz. Thinking I was well prepared, I went in confident. My professor must have sensed that and felt the need to take me down a few notches. The tears started to well up and I pushed them back down. More than once over the course of that two hour class. Needless to say, the floodgates opened when I got home. And all it took was a "How was your day?" from my husband. I cry very rarely, so tears usually indicate that I'm having a really rough go of it.
The cracks are definitely starting to show around my edges. But wait! I'm a senior! I've endured almost four years of this. Why is the home stretch the most difficult yet?
For starters, I'm WAY too hard on myself. That lab practical was brutal and unfair, and I'm guessing my horrible grade was pretty average that week. Almost everyone is struggling in the other class. And you know what? One class is not going to determine my whole future. If my chosen grad school sees one unfavorable grade out of dozens of great ones, they aren't going to write me off. Everyone has had a bad professor/semester/boss/landlord. But I let it spiral out of control, and it sounds something like this in my head:
"OhmygoshmyGPAistotallygoingtotankbecauseI'msureI'mgoingtofailthenIwon'tgetintogradschoolandIdon'thaveaplanB
andallthiswillhavebeenfornothingandmyresumesucksandIdontknowhowtowriteacoverletterandIdonthaveanyresearch
experienceandIwontstandoutagainstthemillioncandidateswhohaveactuallydonesomethingwiththemselvesandwhatamI
goingtodoforchildcarenextsemesterwhenIhavethatlateclassandwhatifIletmyfamilydownandevenworseletmyselfdown
andallthosepeoplewhohavedoubtedmethroughoutmylifewillbeprovenrightandwhatelseamIinterestedinbecauseIbetter
startfiguringoutplansBthroughZbecauseI'mdefinitelygoingtoneedthemandwhydidIthinkIcoulddothisand..."
Been there? It stinks. So I did what any normal person does when she's filled with self-doubt and on the brink of an emotional meltdown: I typed words like "zen" and "peaceful" into the Pinterest search bar. Looking at these images actually helped a little. Ommmm...
And my personal favorite:
“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”
― Steve Maraboli
― Steve Maraboli
