A Post from a Subpar Wife

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Sooo . . . my anniversary was last weekend. If you read Sunday's post to my husband, you already know that. Sorry for being repetitive. I apologize for the reiteration.

We had a fun day on Saturday. We don't have air conditioning in our house, which is usually fine, but it has been a scorching week. So we got in the car and took the long, scenic route to a shopping area we like in northern Massachusetts. We stopped at a cute little farmstand called "Mile High Apple Pie" in Groton, MA with an adjacent hot dog stand. Dogs and fresh peaches are a perfectly legitimate lunch. The car was cool and we were all super chill. I love days like that.

We saw the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie; one of the few kids' movie franchises I don't cringe at the prospect of seeing.

I bought new foundation and a lipstick at Sephora and got a sample of Bumble & Bumble's new hair oil.

Sephora Collection Instant Radiance Foundation in Medium Peach (I've been needing more coverage lately) and Smashbox Be Legendary Lipstick in Mocha (very daring!)

We ate dinner and watched the Olympics at The British Beer Company in Westford, MA on the way home.

My pasty . . . deeelish!

Before you start thinking this post is going to be like Facebook (i.e. filled with the minutiae of my day), give me a minute. Hang in there! What I'm trying to portray is the perfect day. Hey! That rhymes!

I went through this great day completely oblivious to the fact that the next day was my anniversary. I'm such a guy. And an ass. I totally and completely forgot. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Not only that, but I spent the last hour of our ride home telling my husband that he needs to be less selfish with his time and more willing to say no to people so that I'm not so overwhelmed with scheduling conflicts. It wasn't a knockdown drag out, or even an argument really, more so an intense discussion.

J was in bed and we were winding down for the night when Mario handed me a bag. "Happy Anniversary, Honey!" Ohhhh shiz. I am the worst wife in the whole wide world. Find a hole to climb in. Quickly.

I'd spent the last hour telling him to be more selfless while a bag of gifts sat in the trunk. Not just any gifts. Lovely gifts. Deeply thoughtful gifts. He once filled my Christmas stocking with Walgreens finds. This was nothing like that. I'd spent part of the day shopping and hadn't even once stopped to consider a gift for him. Instead, I bought myself new makeup, in complete ignorance regarding my impending anniversary.

A single tear rolled down my cheek. Not because I was touched, though I was. Really touched. It was a hot, burning tear of shame. I'd officially hit a new low.

Let's review:
  1. I forgot our anniversary.
  2. I accused him of being selfish . . . complete with examples.
  3. He selflessly bought me gifts that would help me achieve my heart's desires.
  4. I had nothing to offer but a feeble apology. Not even a pair of fuzzy ankle socks and a bottle of mouthwash from the local 24 hour drugstore.
  5. I win the worst wife award.
Just so you guys can get a feel for what a heel I am (another rhyme!), I'm going to share the contents of that bag:

Exhibit A: A book to help me improve my blog. I've been asking my husband question after question about how to create my own unique heading, searching Google for tips on how to format and personalize the pages, and reading articles about how to share your blog with others. I don't expect to become a professional blogger by any means, but if I'm going to go to all the effort of writing about my life, I want the ability to make it mine. I have a million questions and he found a book that answers almost all of them.

Exhibit B: A version of Photoshop that will help a novice like me learn the ins and outs of the program, while giving me the tools necessary to personalize and decorate my blog. My pictures will be more professional and I'll be able to create some graphics. I've been wanting the ability to do this for a looong time, and he made it happen. After I called him selfish. I had gone a while without some serious self-loathing, so it felt appropriate to remind myself of that fact.

Exhibit C: A set of professional pastry tips he found at Sur la table. Complete with a much-needed silicone bag. I've been making cupcakes a lot over the past couple of years and have always struggled to find my frosting niche. Now I can achieve the perfection I so desire. He's heard me whine and grunt and sigh over my frosting. He's rigged various devices to aid in my discovery of the perfect technique. He's brought home traditional tips and other gadgets. Now that I know what I want, he's found me the fat professional tips I need to get there. For our anniversary. He'll even gladly help me learn how to use them. Now my cupcakes will have the perfect plop! of frosting or decorative touch, just like Martha's. Because you know she frosts every cupcake herself. She's magic.

I love this whoomp! of frosting, especially on traditional sized cupcakes
How cool would it be to master something like this?! Oh, yes, it will be mine.

Are we in agreement that I should earn some sort of derelict wife award? We all have those moments, though, don't we? Where we say something we regret or misjudge our timing or, well, make someone feel terrible moments before they do something amazing for you. I've definitely learned some things throughout this experience:
  1. Don't ever take your spouse for granted.
  2. Try not to say things if they don't really need to be said.
  3. If it does need to be said, use fewer examples when telling someone they screw up.
  4. In the midst of an annoyance, take a moment to remember how incredibly selfless he can be.
  5. Put your anniversary in Google Calendar.
  6. Make sure it's reoccurring.

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