A Wealth of Useless Insights.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

It has been approximately one whole day since I've written a rambling random post. This was clearly long overdue. I've made some observations and learned some interesting life lessons as of late. And now I'm sharing this new found wealth of knowledge. You're welcome.

1. New Englanders love their Christmas decorations. A lot. They don't let silly things like spring deter them, either. As I took my post-meltdown drive last week, I was inundated by holiday decor. Businesses still have Christmas-themed window displays. People still have wreaths on their car grills and half the residents on my street still have their trees up. Because I look in their windows as I drive by. Don't act like you don't do it, too.

2. Gone Girl is a good book. Compelling. But perhaps not the best book to read after a year-long hiatus from fiction. The ending was a major mind, um, fudge. Clearly I have a pathology for sweet, sweet revenge. Make 'em pay, I always say (hey!). While I'm glad I read it, and understand the hype, I was left imagining how I'd rewrite the ending. Perhaps they will come out with a Choose Your Own Adventure version? I shall not say another word. Read it. Then we'll talk.

3. A girl never truly outgrows her love of Scooby-Doo. At least this girl. My husband's parents have a lovely lake house in Montana with three additional cabins on the property. There is a quaint little one that we favor. Years and years ago, I discovered a Mystery Mobile nightlight/alarm clock in one of the nightstand drawers. Every time my husband asked for gift suggestions on their behalf, I would immediately say "themysterymobileclock!". When this Christmas rolled around, he asked again. Same answer. The words "you like Scooby-Doo?" actually came out of his mouth. After 7+ years of coveting this little gem.

Me: What was Mom's favorite cartoon as a kid?
Jared: Scooby-Doo! Duh.
Me: Exactly.
Mario: I thought it was Jem.

After all these years, it's mine. All mine. One question: Where does an adult woman display such a treasure?

P.S. If anyone has a Jem clock they want to part with...

4. I need to stop buying Kiddo clothes. He loves freebies so much more than the nice attire we buy him. From this day forward, he shall obtain all of his clothing from white elephant gift exchanges (known as "Yankee Swaps" here in the New England). In case you haven't experienced the joy of this little horror game: Everyone brings a crappy reject deceptively wrapped in pretty paper. You pick one, hoping it doesn't suck. Then participants steal the less crappy goods from others and you are left with a half-used Chapstick. Least fun game. Ever. But oh so popular 'round these here parts. Kiddo got a hat from one the other day and has only taken it off to shower. We finally talked him into removing it long enough for us to cut the tag off. It looks like a mangy dead animal atop his head. But hey, it was free. If he carries an old coffee cup while we walk down the street, we might make a few bucks.

5. I suck at self portraits. Well, portraits in general. How do you bloggers with your lovely profile photos do it?! I cut off defining features, regularly look googly-eyed, highlight my double (or triple, if I'm lucky) chin, make weird faces, and end up with unattractive, grainy photos. For every 500 self pics, I get maybe one keeper. I'm working on it, but have come to terms with the fact that this blog will never have outfit posts (unless they are laid out on my bed) or display lovely photos of me staring into a beautiful blue sky while sitting on abandoned railroad tracks. I'm going to have to rely on my stellar personality to get me by. I may be screwed.

Source: flickr.com via Olivia on Pinterest

6. Finally, I'm glad I got the flu shot. There. I said it. I usually don't buy into this propaganda meant to keep us in check. It's a conspiracy between the pharmaceutical industry and the US and certain Asian governments. That's why there has been a surgical mask sporting Asian national on every commercial flight I have even taken. They are trying to make us paranoid. And shop at Walmart. It works. I got sick twice in December and caved. Even though I know the current flu strain has already mutated and the 60% efficacy rate of the flu shot is probably at about 20% by now. I may have watched a few episodes marathon of Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura on truTV one night.

But it's hard to argue with a flu outbreak, so it's good that I joined the flocks. If only to please the virus gods. If it offers me even a tiny bit of protection from Typhoid Mary, who sneezed on the bananas at the supermarket today, it will have been worth having raw egg injected into my arm in the Walgreens break room surrounded by the stale odors of Lean Cuisine and leftover Chinese food.

I hope you have been enlightened. I know I have. Until my next epiphany...


  1. That scooby doo clock is absolutely amazing!! :)

  2. haha yes, new englanders do love their decorations :) and i've heard a bit about that book - I'll go read it so we can talk :P


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